exhuxperation | 04. mental link

[ Maybe he's looking at this too optimistically. Which, for him, is rather strange. Always prepare for the worst– though he supposes that "worst" is in constant flux when it comes to dealing with Kylo Ren.

Though, as much as he dislikes the connection they have here, it's showing its usefulness. He can tell he's hit a nerve. Not something that usually brings about a conversation that's seemingly so docile. Hux has used sharp words to drive a point home, to join in on what he now knows is Ren's own internal dialogue of disappointment. This is something he understands so clearly that the scoff from a moment ago feels appropriate. How absurd. ]

Is it really? [ A serious question. He's on the precipice of a decision, one he rationalizes could be effective here, even if it's personal. Hux glances away, but his concentration is bent towards Ren; there isn't one image he focuses on, but the underlying rush.

Fear of disappointment (his father frowning, words not even necessary for how his displeasure rolls off him–)

Inadequacy; (–starkiller is crumbling and all he can focus on ghosts of words telling him of course he wasn't to succeed–)

Too many moments flicker by, (this rank is never enough, never), a result of not enough training, before he manages to bring them to a halt. Gaze turning to Ren's back, he's tense. ]

You showed me the Finalizer from how many galaxies away, Ren. How is this more impossible than that?

Memories, Hux. Ghosts, reflections of the truth— what I showed you exists because the Finalizer existed, not because I took you there. [If he strains with everything he has he might eventually scrape up fragments of the Outer Rim at best: unfocused little scraps of thought, like glitched code or the hissing static of a failed transmission. The cost would be unfathomable. His mind would suffer, his body might weaken for it; if the Supreme Leader himself can't manage it, Ren knows better than to leap forwards towards that risk as he is now.

He turns, expression set and unflinching, stare fixed.] Through the Force, all things are possible.

[That much he agrees on.] But the Force wages war within me - the symbiote fights its hold. I feel all of it and it takes all of me to control it.

The only time it eases is when I sleep in the Nesting Deck.

[More than he's ever known since birth.] I will never have a clear mind—

But you can, General.

[ When Ren turns to him, he doesn't flinch in the face of the intensity. They've been eye to eye on much worse occasions, it will take more than this to make him feel uncomfortable. Though, that's not necessarily what's happening now, between the two of them. Hux had merely meant to extend something like an olive branch. Peace over their chaotic arguments that didn't seem to get them anywhere.

Now– now he's not sure what turned, but it's changed.

Never mind that the Finalizer hadn't been real (it felt it, memory or not). What he hones in on is the control, the focus. He'd felt all of it vibrating along his nerves when Ren had shown him what it felt like. All that power, set loose with will alone. He believes it's a struggle at the same time he knows that all things can be carved along the right path.

Maybe it's stupid, but he's never been one to give up just because it sounds impossible. ]

If it's a war, you'll just need the right tactic. [ Spoken like a true strategist.

And underneath, not spoken aloud: clarity comes with acceptance. He'll be the center point if he needs to be. ]

And I have one.

[He doesn't blink, doesn't so much as let his attention slip for a moment: surprise, General Hux, you're clearly the subject of conversation here.]

The Supreme Leader expected us to work together. [A senseless endeavor it felt like at times, one hand striking the other, always interfering. Resentment boiled in the wake of their forced cooperation but here, now, marks the first moment of dawning realization between them: Ren senses it, as clear and bright as any premonition granted to him through the Force. He's the knife, the saber meant to cut through bone, and Hux--]

I gave you control over your symbiote. [For once, there's no arrogance to be found alongside that claim; it's a statement of fact, nothing more.] Return the favor.

[His posture angles in, shoulders squaring, heavy with the weight of what it is he aches to ask. The idea that Hux might refuse spurs him forward, rather than back towards his own heels: it means the end product reads as a demand, not a request.]

Guide my hand.

[ It shouldn't surprise him when Ren says he has an idea. No, that he's put strategical thought into this. Still, for as much as they've argued and verbally ripped each other to pieces, Hux finds himself shocked at the words.

Even moreso what Ren expects in return.

But clarity cuts through like a knife. Precise; they can't afford to continue their petty hatred. Already, the two times they've been brought to the brink since coming here have left him feeling like he has no footing. The addition of the symbiote had not helped his case and it appears it hasn't been working in Ren's favor either.

They're the only ones left of a regime he'd helped build. The fact burns and stings, still an open wound. He's going to take a page from Ren and endure. ]

Yes. [ No refusal, though it feels like he's just cut the strings holding him up. Hux meets Ren's gaze easily, straight backed as always. ]

Explain it to me. [ The Force. Dark. Light. What sinks its teeth in more? The first step to any action– know what you're walking into, from the inside out. ]

[From there it's a daunting task, summarizing the worst of his struggles: how the light, what should be that much weaker than the dark, still tears at him with every open opportunity, how he's incapable of locking out the echoes of the world around him, how much the symbiote fights his hold— a cycle of frustration and anger born from nothing more than what he endures. Ren asks for no pity, no comfort, everything is stated as a bitter fact and left exposed.

When it's done he sits opposite the General, perched wearily at the edge of a low alcove, fingers knitted.]

I need orders, General.

[Ones that aren't 'hold hands with your brood' or 'make nice with the hosts that despise you'.]

[ As Ren launches into his description, Hux listens intently, eyeline on him the entire way. At some point, both of them have settled– Ren edged on the alcove across where he'd sat on the bed. He's leaned forward now, forearms resting on his knees and one hand loosely clasping the other. The puzzle that is Kylo Ren has come together quickly, missing pieces slotting in and giving him a better picture.

This is the most they've spoken; he thinks they should've had this conversation much earlier. There was no turning back time or decisions though, so it's time to make the best of it. ]

For now, let's focus on the build up of energy. [ And utilizing those sharp edges elsewhere. Here is another similarity between them: without aim, they're restless. Hux can easily find things for himself to do, not that he always enjoys it, but Ren is a different story. ] Should you feel ready to lash out, just come find me. Or make contact somehow. We can divert it into something productive.

[A beat, the air heavy between them with the weight of a single, pregnant pause.]

Understood.

[There it is, the agreement struck in a definitive moment. How long had Snoke tried to coerce them into cooperation? How often had they been at each other's throats, praying through their own teeth that the other would recoil— surrender or stumble enough to be dismissed in shame, only to find themselves bound to one another regardless. It's not an ideal solution (in a better world they'd have control over the other hosts— or at least the authority required to keep conflict at a minimum) but it is viable: Hux had already endured the worst of Ren's violent outbursts, the ability to reroute and refocus them as they occur should come almost second nature to him now.]

[For someone who exhibits shows of restraint in just about everything she does—as if showing restraint has been trained into her (because it has been)—there's a sudden anger unleashed from Lexa's mind not long after the arrival of the new Hosts. The anger itself is laden with condescension, and a flash of a face erupts in the mind of her brood: of Bellamy Blake. It's clear that he has wronged her in some way.

Like a flame that burns bright and hot for a brief moment, the anger flickers away the moment she begins to speak to this individual, like she's walling it back up and ripping any knowledge of it away from her fellow broodmates.

It's all just a little too late.]

[ Like the softest of pressures, he can feel Aoba's gratitude and worry in turns. A tide, pushing and pulling depending. He'd known on some degree how much the younger man cared about his allmate, but this just solidifies the meaning. So, he'd been extra careful in how he handled the small computer.

The eyes open, light behind them luminous, though they don't seem to be staring at anything in particular. The focus is hazy, pixelation taking over. If he listens intently enough, the computer can be heard whirring, powering through whatever sequence it needs to fully boot.

If it gets there. ]

What does he normally do, when the start up finishes?

[ It's a moment before Aoba answers. He's holding a breath in his chest, waiting for what Hux is asking after. Silently, he moves around the general to kneel in front of the small table, his head just level with the allmate's so he can see the static in the eyes clearly, directly. Leans in close to hear the hardware beneath his thick fur whirring, functioning, but without any signs of awareness to them. ]

He says my name. He always says my name.

[ Seconds tick by, and each one makes Aoba's heart grow heavier. The faint humming finally settles, unchanging in it's rhythm, and still the allmate makes no move, registering nothing through static-filled eyes. ]

Ren?

[ Aoba reaches for him, sinking his hands into layers of dark blue fur at his sides. Soft as ever, but without the warmth of a fully functional computer beneath it. It's all he can do to swallow down the tight knot in his throat hard and focus on the feeling of fur between his fingers. All he can do to hold on and keep from overflowing with the tears and loss filling behind his eyes.

It would be too embarrassing to cry now, after all Hux did to help. ]

[ Here's where it could all unravel. Hinging on Ren's say. ]

Good.

[ And it resolves. The tension seeming to dissipate into more normal levels between them both. Hux feels like he can breathe a little easier, even if this whole situation is strange beyond reason. Finally, finally they're working more in tandem, an understanding growing. There's still s much to work on, but the foundation is laid. ]

We'll talk again soon. [ A quiet dismissal– his energy is low, having gone from the knife sharp tension to having it cut loose. ]

[In a way, Ren's surprised as much as he is relieved: he'd expected more reaching, more probing curiosity with such a massive confession on the table, and an even more shocking agreement as its undercurrent. And yet there's nothing but that cordial dismissal standing between them.

How strange— how fortunate.]

So we will.

[A single agreement, and then he tips his head, leaving without another word.]

[ A comfortable feeling seems to settle between them. They have a plan. Or at least the outlines of one. Better than having nothing at all. ]

( It'd be best in person. Perhaps not on the station– at the start of the next mission. It's easier to hold something in one's mind if it's fresh. )

[ As someone who shares similarities with the other commander– he understands. The sudden shaking loose of restraint and subsequent anger filling his mind is a shock to be sure. And just as quickly as it came, it's muffled. Like a glass being placed over a burning flame. An attempt to smother. ]

( Lexa? )

( Then we'll prioritize it when we reach our next mission. )

[That seems like a wise choice, especially given the fact that they are all strong-willed and might not take well to it. Perhaps the mission will prove why it's necessary and they can return to it.

Yes, that sounds ideal.

(Though she really does wish they had a group of loyal warriors at their disposal. That would make things far easier.)]

( I think we've covered all I needed to speak with you about. Do you have any other concerns? )

[Her response is not immediate. There's an indication of acknowledgement to him reaching out, but she breaks the link soon after to deal with Bellamy—and to deal with the conversation at hand. Accepting her death is a great burden, if only because it seems outside the realm of possibility. But what seeped away from Bellamy's mind to her own had been clear. Back in her world, she had died. Somehow, it had happened, even if she's here. No one else has spoken of dying, and it doesn't match any of the realities that Cathaway had shown her that one day.

Perhaps she is alone, waiting for the inevitable.

Because her conversation with Bellamy is not long (albeit strenuous: her mind is an emotional landmine right now, and one she barely keeps in check), she returns to Hux soon enough, breathing out from where she stands as if she's attempting to manage herself.

Many things are clear: the existential question of accepting one's death without having experienced it, and what it means for someone when their life's path is known? Lexa knows nothing about people who might live parallel lives, or that there might even be a parallel her. All she knows is the confusion that comes with this, and the fact that her death has left the woman she loved alone to save her people. Because she can't keep this in check, she feels weaker, like she's bare. Raw. Like skin that's just suffered a burn but hasn't hardened over.

Flames really do have their place here metaphorically.]

( I am here. You weren't intended to experience that. ) [As if that erases the circumstance. She knows very well that it doesn't.]

[ A different kind of tension takes over, something that Hux isn't as accustomed to dealing with. After all, when dealing with troops at their lowest– that was usually left to Phasma. She was way more equipped to handle those situations. She knew them best.

So as Aoba slowly droops, as his emotions cloud over and haze with a sadness that can be felt deep in his bones, Hux lets him. Sometimes interrupting wasn't always the best option, even if the overflow makes him uncomfortable. ]

I can leave you be. [ If he wants. He won't be offended; something he tries to transmit as much as possible. ]

[ The response isn't immediate and on some level, he expects that. Even without her being pre-occupied, he would understand. Everyone deals with emotional upheaval differently and this is just another subset. Seeing as they're cut from a similar cloth– commanders, leaders, saddled with the pressure– they take time to consider.

To think it through.

There's the acknowledgment of course, which he appreciates. Something to show he hasn't been completely ignored in the process. But he lets her deal with it as she needs to. Lexa won't have to contest with nosiness on his part if she doesn't want it.

Still, his mind reaches out to her as soon as her voice echoes there. ]

( Sometimes what we don't intend happens anyway. ) [ Surprise on the battlefield and off of it. ] ( Would you like to clarify anything or do you prefer not to speak of it? )

[No, they don't intend everything. Would they have chosen to ask for these symbiotes to realign their lives, to give them a different perspective altogether? No, she thinks not. At least her perspective has changed from before. Carata and Nirad have proven that they are not all fodder.

It's a relief. Even if she would understand the sentiment being a leader herself, she would still like to fight in the war she has given up her people for.]

( No, we don't. Still, clarification would be useful. It may be hard to believe, but that man is under my protection. He has been a traitor to my people, but he was under the orders of an ... upstart. ) [She pauses.] ( Still, he is one of my people. His friend and leader has taken up my role in my absence. )

[It may be confusing, because it is, even for her. More than that, there's an underlying pain to these words that she can't shake, that she can't repress. It's the pain that comes right before acceptance, as in: she has a feeling that she will never see her people again, and is finally beginning to accept it.]

[Around the Bearings, Hux would know that she's been busy. Her mind is a restless one when she has things to accomplish, and she has been moving among the Hosts to unveil the whole picture before her. While she's done this, she's left the General alone, believing that there have been other things to contend with. He is not a man who needs to be doted on or nurtured in any way, and she's poor at both of these things just the same.

So, she waits, and then contacts him not long after her conversation with the internet hackers.]

( How much have you been informed of recent events, and more importantly, what we plan to do moving forward? ) [All business. It's quite unlike her emotional explosion in the first week in which they arrived here. In fact, there's a sense that she never ever wants that to happen again.

Ever.]

[ Lexa's mental voice cuts clean through his thoughts. Normally something he'd be mildly irritated about, but he's been adjusting further and further into this shared headspace. It might seem silly to be so stiff about it this far in, but he's always had tight control over himself and his thoughts. Having them on near display for everyone makes him incredibly uncomfortable.

Though, the ease with which he can transmit thoughts or feelings without words is satisfying. Such as it is now. He turns his attention to Lexa immediately, pausing to consider her transmission. ]

( Admittedly, I've missed some information, but I'm catching up as I can. I've been preoccupied with keeping an eye on Kylo Ren. )

[ That much is an understatement. There's a flash of an image– Ren still bandaged up and healing. ]

( Proceeding forward; do we have enough information or do we need more? It seems like we've more digging to do. )

( We lack a great deal. The Darkling is planning to meet with Goram Saffit. We still require the information from Ven Diagrams, but we deployed an insufficient group for that endeavor. ) [It is not said, but mentally offered, that they had the wrong set of abilities in the wrong location.] ( We have individuals whose powers can bend others to their will. We will have to use them moving forward.

We also need to figure out how these attacks are being funded. I'm not aware of how to trace anything. We know that the Enemy is the catalyst to the escalation, but we don't know where they hit. I believe we have enough people to catch up, so long as everyone is deployed correctly. We may have missed our opportunity with the previous attacks, but there is no reason for it to be the same here. )

[More than that, Lexa is tired of the Nest running like a machine that could work well ... but simply doesn't. She's been observing matters personally, but she still recalls his previous concerns about them trying to assert their leadership over the Nest, and has applied that to her actions.]

[ The information Lexa provides him with is succinct. He wishes there were more, of course, but that seems to be the whole crux of the matter. They'd sent people in to retrieve information and came out empty handed. A frustrating thing to learn, but setbacks were part of the picture. It was time to make a clearer game plan with what they now knew and move forward. ]

( Meeting with Saffit will take some care and balance. Anyone accompanying Darkling should have some level of skill in navigating subtleties. As for the tracing, it's possible to ask Nirad or Carata if they've gleaned more information about how deep the technology flows here. From that, we could find out who has some technical skill and who doesn't and put it to use. )

[ Essentially they were on the same page. ]

( And as much as I am still wary of this mental connection, better communication overall will likely serve all of us in the long run, especially on a mission so involved. )

( Angel and Sam Anders are our best choices, but the former has just fallen asleep, and we never know when she'll return. As for the concern with Ven Diagrams, their evasion when it comes to releasing information on their investigations has proved frustrating, and I feel like we can use more ... of a forceful approach with their leader. ) [Again, they had a poor group going in: if they had stepped back, they may have seen that the infiltration was ultimately unnecessary. Lexa does not want to resort to ripping information out of the minds of citizens on their missions, but in this case, they've wasted a great deal of time.]

( I believe our mental connection to be safer than that of our individual powers granted by the symbiote. Both Ilde and Sam Anders have led me to this belief. But as it is, we've done a poor job using our mouths to speak, and it's cost us. )

COMMAND over oneself and others	AMBITION nothing will stand in my way
ORDER chaos will not be tolerated	MANY over the individual

04. mental link

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day 008

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i don't know how the frick i missed this

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it's cool dude

this thread should work fine btw

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rad!

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day :027

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