exhuxperation | 04. mental link

[ Rey's first attempt to contact him through the symbiote is somewhat more hesitant than she's been with others in the Nest — the knowledge of what he's done in their shared universe is still at the forefront of her mind, the thought of the destruction of Hosnian Prime still simmering uncomfortably in her gut. But she cannot ignore what she hears and sees, through his thoughts and those of the other hosts they share links with. ]

( I heard what you'd said. )

[ Snippets of this conversation, to be precise. ]

( How much of that was you, and how much of it was Orator Hux? )

[ She'd seen the holovids advertised on nearly every deck of Starkiller, as she'd evaded Ren; his rousing speech on the steps at the weapon's maiden firing, fair features twisted, eyes blazing. Did he believe the words he was saying to Lexa, as much as he'd seemed to believe what he'd said over the sound of the charged cannon? ]

[ Rey's contact is a soft brush against his mind. A surprise to say the very least. While he certainly hadn't expected they'd cease speaking forever (that was childish for the both of them), he hadn't thought Rey would reach out first. She'd made it very clear where she stood on his previous actions regarding Starkiller; righteous anger tended to stick.

Still, here she is. Hux sees no reason to turn her away. ]

( I meant every word. I see reason to waste my time arguing over something I have little to no dedication to.

As such, there is no divide. The orator side of myself is just me. )

[It's the moan— throaty and humming— that coaxes a more tangible reaction from Ren: has him seizing up with a clipped noise that's entirely involuntary. Devoid of any semblance of control. His jaw shifts beneath it, working to shove hissing breaths between cinched teeth. His vision feels strained when he blinks, spine arching upwards towards the ceiling, dizzy in a way he's never quite known before— not acutely, anyway.

Because it's different than the adrenaline rush that comes from choking the life from his marks, and different still than the pressure of his own fingers over vulnerable contours, alone and desperate, seeking more than the incessant, cyclical rhythm of his every fear and doubt. Ren's knuckles twist where they grip Hux's hair - painfully so. If Hux was ever searching for a sign that he was on the right path, this certainly seems to fit the figurative bill.]

[ This, this is what he wanted. Ren's control slides away, leaving him shifting and gasping under his ministrations. His hips arch and Hux has to pull away to breathe. It's getting more and more difficult, his own iron clad grip on himself slipping. He can taste salt, can feel it starting to coat the back of his throat and lips.

Sighing, he leans into it again, moving one hand between his own legs to palm himself through his pants. They're uncomfortably tight at this point so he undoes them, slipping his fingers beneath the waistband of his underwear to carefully add pressure. At the same time, Ren is gripping his hair painfully, forcing him down and he groans into it, eyes fluttering shut. His ears feel like they're ringing and his face feels hot, skin feverish. The muscles in his abdomen are tight, pulse loud and anticipatory.

Maybe it should be embarrassing but neither of them are going to last long at this rate. ]

( It was a rational argument. Something I was surprised to see from someone who'd acted on such emotionally-charged impulse, before. ) [ but she doesn't want to revisit that particular argument at the moment, as circular as it is between them. ]

( It was also very insightful with regard to how you view others in the Nest. You see everyone as a potential tactical advantage, to be utilized in missions, but you seemed genuinely concerned when given the possibility of plans going awry because of information withheld. )

[ As much as he wants to refute that no, his thinking hadn't been emotionally charged, he refrains. It won't get either of them anywhere. ]

( I won't lie– everyone is a potential tactical advantage. It's a habit that is hard to break from, after all my training. Even if you see it selfishly, I am concerned about the Nest. Losing someone here is painful. It leaves a hollow place inside that is indescribable. I'd rather we were all spared that. )

[Are you familiar with the sensation of a brain freeze, Hux? That's the sensation that begins to form as Seviilia feels her way around the Nest and pauses on Hux's familiar militant mind.]

( General, was it? )

[ The cold snap sensation settling in his head feels as though he's gone out in the snow of Starkiller, sans any warm layering. Frigid, uncomfortable, raw. He doesn't quite recognize the signature of the mind right away. Only Sevilia's address familiarizes him. ]

( Correct. Though that title has little worth here. Have you a question? )

[ There's a brief sensation like a quiet, polite knock, a nudge to the connection between them, but it's ruined almost immediately when Sam just lets himself on in.

Normally, Sam's shields are pretty damn good, but tonight - well, there's distinct patches in the thick cloud layer that surrounds his mind, letting out spots of warmth and sunlight. The buzz he's feeling is clear, and it bleeds across the mental link. ]

( Hey, you busy? )

[ The polite mental knock is startling, especially since it's from a source he doesn't expect. Even more shocking is how the knock seemed more like anni ty done purely out of habit than any sense of propriety. Because then Sam is barging in, thoughts alight with a mulled buzzing sensation. It's all warmth and laughter.

He's clearly been drinking. ]

( No. Though I have to question if you meant to ask this of me and not someone else. )

[ There's a pause as Sam reorients himself, refocuses, and realizes that no, this definitely isn't who he'd meant to contact. A faint note of apology drifts through. Instead of pulling away, though, the connection between them hums briefly as though in thought. ]

( I do now. It's General Hux, right? ) [ Sam hasn't spoken to him, but of course he'd seen him around on Concordia, heard echoes in the minds of some of the other Hosts. ] ( How about a drink with a fellow military man? )

[ The pause is expected, considering the circumstances. What isn't is how Sam continues on, with a faint note of apology and a seeming determination.

Neither of them have spoken much before, only catching glimpses of each other amongst the din of minds in the nest. Without the familiarity it should be strange, but their connection eases some of the awkwardness there usually would be.

Though Sam Wilson does not seem to suffer the same social anxieties as Hux. ]

( Just Hux is fine. Sam Wilson, correct? ) [ He's pretty sure he's right. ]

( That sounds suitable. Where? )

[ Sam wouldn't have hit him up by mistake if he wasn't drunk - but even sober, he'd have invited him for a drink if given the opportunity. Might as well take advantage of being up here to talk a little bit more with the people he hasn't gotten to.

And to try to get more people to relax, just a little bit, in the closest thing to down time they're probably gonna get. ]

( I know there's a couple of Sams around, Wilson's fine if you want. ) [ There's a pleased tinge that he doesn't bother to hide; he's glad that Hux accepted. ] ( Rec area, by the ping pong table. )

Move over. [It's a grumble in the dark, low and uncomfortable from where he's somehow managed to sleep for far too long with his elbow jammed in against the wall at his side.]

[ Hux rouses from his sleep easily at the low sound of Ren's voice, especially so close by. The warmth between them almost has him ignoring the words in favor of feigning deep sleep, though he knows Kylo well enough by now that he'll only get more annoying if ignored.

Eyes still closed, he breathes out a soft sigh through his nose, unmoved. ]

If there was room to move, I would. [ These pods were not meant for two. ] I've told you before that discomfort is all you'll find if you insist on sleeping here.

[ In the past, he would be loathe to accept such an invitation. It was not befitting of an officer of his station to go cavorting or drinking with non-enlisted. Or those of lower military rank.

But, as he is reminded not for the last time, his title is meaningless here. So he accepts the warmth of Sam's interest and good humor, finding his way to the rec wing. ]

I do hope that this sport is not involved alongside the imbibing. [ With a wave of his hand, he gestures to the aforementioned ping pong table. Despite the comment, he does take a seat near Wilson, expression as friendly as he could manage. ]

You have at least an inch to spare.

Utilize it as keenly as you would in battle, General. [He's sleepy and trying to make a point. It isn't working well.]

Do I really. [ The sarcasm is strong with this one. Fortunately, Kylo is sleepier than he is at the moment, so he can get some...leverage. Shifting carefully, he flips over to be facing Kylo, nudging one thigh between his legs (for comfort, obviously). ]

Better? Or should I squeeze closer?

[It's a sharp, pinching inhale. Something that sticks to the back of his throat and stays there for a beat too long, shoulders gone stiff as stone as his arm rolls more comfortably forward by slow, slow degrees.]

I thought you wanted your space.

My space.

[ Disbelief runs through his voice. An eyebrow arches slightly as he glances the mere few centimeters up to Kylo's face. ]

While I would prefer to be in a less condensed area, I've remained here for a reason. [ He nudges his knee up a little more, purposefully rolls his hips to accentuate his point.

The truth of the matter was that he wanted this. The warmth, the closeness of their bodies. Even without the more intimate affairs, though it thrums in his veins now. He'd spent a few hours attempting to sleep in his own room and his own bed when they came back; the weight of the blankets couldn't compare. ]

[Another slow exhale, this time measured, less desperate and more grounded in thought— or perhaps observation.

A heavy hand falls against the side of Hux's hip, stilling him - though not unkindly.]

You might regret it someday.

[Not the immediate circumstances, but the emotional connection he's bared in this moment.]

[ The hand on his hip stills him. Energy still pulses under his skin but the weighted warmth of Kylo's palm is soothing. Pressed as close as he is, Hux tilts his head down, eyes shutting as he breathes in. He shouldn't find Kylo's distinct smell comforting, but it's there nonetheless. The mental bond between them is laid as bare as he's willing to go, an invitation. ]

I find there's no use in regret. Accept and move on. [ His words are muffled at first, clearing as he looks up at Kylo again, expression searching. ] Do you want this?

[It's held a beat longer, that dull, weighted silence a tether between the thrumming heartbeat of their symbiotes - thud thud thud; Ren's voice is low when he finally speaks, eyeline held, gloved thumb skirting out lazy circles where it rests.]

Like you, General, I remain here for a reason.

[And in that narrow, narrow space, he feels less vulnerable admitting it.]

[ Silence between them is comfortable now. And never truly quiet. Hux can feel the humming of Ren's thoughts against his mind, steady as his heart. He shifts minutely under the patterns being circled on his hip, the warmth between them slowly building in the small space.

With a flexibility only afforded by his slimmer figure, he nudges Kylo so he can sit draped across his lap, head bowed close, back curved away from the low pod above them. ]

Will you come to bed with me? [ I want to see all of you. ]

[You already have.

What Hux asks of him is loftier than he might realize, given the comfort found in adhering himself to the station, in drowning himself in the symbiote itself rather than face the idea of loss.

And oh, he has lost much. More than he thought he had in him to give for so, so little...]

Is this not enough?

[Is he not comforted by it - this closeness.]

COMMAND over oneself and others	AMBITION nothing will stand in my way
ORDER chaos will not be tolerated	MANY over the individual

04. mental link

day 45-ish

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this isn't actually the military man he's looking for, oops

LAUGHS hopefully he's not getting more than he bargained for

Sam always gets more than he bargained for tbh

Sam.........

he tries okay

Action;

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