04. mental link

[exhuxperation]

COMMAND over oneself and others	AMBITION nothing will stand in my way
ORDER chaos will not be tolerated	MANY over the individual

( CODE BY WHAMBAM )

Comments

[exhuxperation]

[ Ren's words don't match his tone. It's too hasty, as though he was backpedaling. As though he wanted to leave but his body hadn't caught up with his mind.

Hux feels displaced by it, can't stop the spiral of thought that he'd just upset the balance between them. Nevermind that it'd been precarious to start, but he'd tipped it right over a different edge. Here in the privacy of his room, it's easy to forget about Snoke, about what his responsibilities had been on the Finalizer, as strange as that is to think about. Over the time he's been in the nest, he thinks he's rebuilding himself. Remembering parts that he'd long buried.

Tension continues to hang between them and Ren doesn't yet move. Hux doesn't want to walk away either, frozen on the spot with something tugging in the hollow of his chest. Expression still cautiously neutral, he meets Ren's glance, taking a moment to parse the meaning from the response. ]

I– perhaps it would be intelligent to have backup nearby, just in case.

[ If this is how Ren wants to play it, he'll go with. Carefully, he picks his way toward the dresser, ready to head out of the main room after he pulls clothes out. He pauses by the doorway, looking back over at Ren still sitting on the bed. ]

If you need anything in the meantime, you should retrieve it.

[narcissithstic]

No. [He owns little; cares about little in the way of physical possessions to the point of skirting the edge of his origins. Luke Skywalker might even be proud in his own way— if he knew.

Ren lifts his gaze, steels himself just as he always does. No faltering, no pause for consideration or tender concern.] All that I require is here.

[Aside from his mask, but Rey would never seek to steal that from him.

Would she?]

[exhuxperation]

[ Ren's negative reply is of no particular surprise. He's used to being contradicted by him, after all. So instead of growing frustrated, he waits for the rest that is sure to follow. In time, Ren would pipe up.

And he does, though Hux's initial non-shock is quickly swallowed by a strange wrenching feeling in his chest. It cinches tight in his throat somewhere; he has to look away to regain his train of thought. Later, he'll address the meaning behind those words later. For now they'll do as just an answer. ]

Make yourself comfortable, then.

[ Promptly, he leaves the main bedroom, drawing in a slow inhale as he goes to the bathroom to change. Toweling his damp hair and pulling on clothes should just be a mindless task but instead he's looping Ren's words. He must've meant he didn't possess much, a fact that Hux had known about him previously. Was he just imagining something else underneath it all? Combing his hair back and satisfied with his reflection in the mirror, he goes back into the bedroom, anxiety crawling up along his spine. Hux stops just short of where Ren has settled, the layer of clothing over his skin making him feel less exposed physically and emotionally. The latter half is still in turmoil. ]

Ren.

[narcissithstic]

[He's taken to resting. Shirt stripped to expose the bandage to the cool air, laid out on his back, fingers running lazy circuits across Anakin's saber. It's calming, that tangible promise that he's finally taken back what's rightfully his. Soothes the agony boiling under his skin.

For now, he almost feels at ease—

At least until Hux's tension filters back in, heavy as a blanket as it settles across his skin.] What.

[It isn't sharp or livid, doesn't function as a dismissal, though he's clearly been shaken from his own forced reverie.]

[exhuxperation]

[ It isn't like him to skip over details. Especially when something is right in front of him. As it is now—Ren is laid out on his bed, sans shirt, motions idle. Hux hasn't seen him so relaxed in possibly as long as he's known him. So when Ren tenses out of his more meditative state, he feels a slight twinge of regret at speaking up.

That isn't precisely going to stop him.

Padding over to the bed, he perches at the edge on one side, mattress dipping under his weight. One leg is pulled up as he sits half-Indian style so it's easier to turn to Ren and look at him. There's a moment of hesitation before he commits to the motion more thoroughly, sliding to sit next to Ren's hip. Reaching forward, his fingertips set lightly on the scar on Ren's side. A leftover from Starkiller's destruction. It left physical marks on him, opposed to Hux's mental ones. Stopping the motion, he lightly lays his hand on Ren's abdomen, fingers fanned out. ]

Would you let me do that again?

[narcissithstic]

[Like a hand to still water, Ren's muscles tense beneath Hux's palm, fingertips stalled against cold metal. Old memories.]

Why would you want to?

[Hux was fragile in physical stature alone, but where his mind found purchase, he was iron, steeled to the bone and devoid of emotional vulnerability — ever the counter to Ren's instability. Are they not still unified in their goals? Has so much changed between them in the time it's taken for Ren's own volatile conflicts to subside? Weakness was never the General's aim before, and yet he's laid himself bare to it. Invited the idea with open arms and offers it freely to Ren in the process, as though it's somehow innocuous.

But Ben Solo was raised at his Uncle's side, plagued by the tenets of the Jedi and hounded by obligation where Snoke's ideals took hold: if affection meant anything, it meant poison, blindness.

Betrayal.]

[exhuxperation]

[ At the tension, he pulls his hand away. Slowly, so it doesn't look like he's flinching.

This is an out. He could take it back, write it off as a delirious moment. An error in logic that he won't repeat. But it sits in front of him, something he could grasp. Maybe it's finally all the pressure of command giving way to what he's buried. Or maybe it is a whim, something he just wants in the moment and intends to get, ruthless as that may seem.

Except, if Ren were to push him away, he'd take his answer and settle for it. The idea of coercing him into this kind of physical contact is repulsive. A reminder of what too many officers would brag about in seedy bars on shore leave. He was above that. ]

I enjoyed it and want you to as well. [ Never one to face away from a situation, he keeps his gaze steady on Ren's face, expression as neutral as possible even as it feels like his pulse is loud in his ears. ]

[narcissithstic]

You enjoyed that. [Ren scoffs, entirely self-aware in the moment (however rare and fleeting it might be) dropping his hands to his chest as his stare— unsurprisingly critical— follows the line of Hux's arm upwards. Sheltered, spoiled, those facets of his personality do little to alter the fact that he's the child of Han Solo and Princess Leia: he's seen intimacy, he's seen passion and contempt in the faces of those around him at ports and senatorial gatherings alike. Not in the mirror, but...

What he and the General shared moments prior? A fumbling disaster at best.]

How desperate you must be.

[And when all else fails, fall back on dogged, needling habits.]

[exhuxperation]

[ And just like that, they fall back into old habits. It's safer, isn't it? To pretend that neither of them have feelings other than distaste and anger. Knifing comments that cut on the emotional and mental levels. Bring up the walls and never speak of it again.

Hux stares at Ren for a long moment, expression focused and non-reactive. His first urge is to snap right back. Tell Ren that he's an ingrate, that a yes or no answer would've been sufficient. He can practically feel the sneer trying to work its way onto his face at the very thought.

No, this time he won't be drawn into a petty argument. Instead, he slowly arches a brow, still keeping eye contact with Ren. ]

Admittedly, it's more enjoyable if the other person reciprocates, so perhaps I should've known better.

[narcissithstic]

Hmph.

[Dour, tolerant - a beast of burden shrugging off the pinching contact of sharpened claws where they catch. If he was angry, it'd be obvious; if he wanted nothing more to do with this conversation or current company, Hux would know it instantly.

Instead he dips his gaze to fix on the mirrored surface of Anakin's lightsaber. A promise that regardless of what they were once destined for, here, nothing is set in stone. By all accounts, they should both be free of any prior restrictions.

And yet it's that thought that terrifies him most, transparently so.] I wasn't meant for that kind of reciprocation, General.

The Supreme Leader—

[Wouldn't have tolerated it. Wouldn't have fostered what little humanity there is to be found in companionship rather than complacency. Is Cathaway the same, he wonders.]

[exhuxperation]

[ Neither of them were made for this. Not originally. He's spent years of his life concerned only with climbing the ladder. With the expectations set out for him.

Here they don't have those restrictions. It's terrifying as much as exhilarating. He's spent all this time in the nest being unsure, trying to wall himself off. Feeling lost in parts because he didn't know how to rebuild himself without a solid goal.

But right now it didn't seem to matter. A small test of freedom he's getting used to. ]

The Supreme Leader is no longer here. Neither of us are beholden to his decisions anymore, Ren.

[ Just statement of fact. ] So then, is that a yes or a no?

[narcissithstic]

[It feels as though he's over the edge of a precipice again. His back to it this time, rather than the Scavenger's, a decision demanding to be made.

But inaction isn't an option, much as he might lean towards it, and so...]

Yes. [Ren responds, thumb to the hilt, attention distant as though he might be speaking to Hux through the symbiote rather than in person. Only after a beat does he add, stiffly:] —For now.

[They'll return to the Station once this is done, after all. He'll consult Cathaway, ask for her forgiveness and her favor, and if she accepts (she will, she must) he'll seek out her true feelings on his decision to cede part of his strength to someone else. Perhaps she'll be more tolerant. Perhaps she'll approve of it.

Perhaps she won't.]

[exhuxperation]

[ After so much time working alongside Ren, he should be more familiar with how he operates. And in a way he is—only a moment before, he knows Ren would've left if he really didn't want to be there. He was too stubborn and selfish to be held anywhere against him will, barring perhaps if the command came from Cathaway (and previously, Snoke).

But neither Snoke nor Cathaway were here. Ren remained of his own volition and Hux, well, he was seeing just how much freedom they had.

And apparently, Ren was willing to test that as well. Hux keeps his gaze for a moment before he moves, shifting up closer, bodies nearly aligning. Unlike earlier, he reaches out to lightly cup his fingers along Ren's jaw, thumb laying on his cheek. This is the barest touch but his pulse picks up. ]

For now. [ He can agree to this. Especially when he's pressing his lips against Ren's again. Less hesitant. ]